Funny how as a child we often take so much for granted.
Life and death are certainly two sides of the same coin. Funny how it seems as one person starts life, another person’s life ends. It has been a while since my last blog. Life has presented me with some interesting twist and turns, and although some of them were expected, that doesn’t necessarily make the situation and expected outcome any easier to swallow. First I’m very thankful that I was blessed to see my 30th birthday. I’ve lost so many friends, & acquaintances along the way that weren’t blessed with such an opportunity.
On September 24th I received the dreaded text message from my mother that I hoped I would never receive. She and my grandmother were on the back of an ambulance. I later found out that my grandmother was actually crashing on the way to the hospital, and almost died on the operating table. I had been making so many plans to have a great birthday, visit California and had planned on coming home to visit the first of the year. I hadn’t been home since 2007 and dreaded the thought of going back home. I love my mother and grandmother more than anything, but I couldn’t rid myself of something my mom had told me a few years back, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Its amazing how eight little words can shake you to the core…….but when the person that brought you into the world doesn’t know you anymore, its time to do some soul searching. As I pondered over the various puzzle pieces of my life one thing became clear, I was still the same person I had always been, ME. The only thing that changed was I stopped living to please my parents and started pursuing my own goals. When I left home at 19 everyone told me I would fail and would come running back, that was Nov 2000, almost 11 years later and I’m still standing strong. Long gone is the naive girl that moved to MS with duffel bags of clothes, a computer, 2 paychecks, and a mind full of dreams and ambitions. As a child parents are invincible, as we age reality sets in and we realize that they don’t have the answers to everything and they can’t solve all your problems, but their love can definitely make the heart smile.
I’ve always been the rock for my grandmother and mother, and was often the peacemaker. As my grandmother clung on to life I realized that my mother was in denial about her mother’s impending departure. I found myself having to help with funeral arrangements, choose a casket, gather gravesite information, wrote, printed, & formated the obituary, and help my mother thorough the most difficult time of her life. My grandmother, the woman that taught me sooooooo much and took me everywhere she went was now frail but determined nonetheless, even on her deathbed. My mother and I found ourselves spending many hours at the hospital chapel, and at home in silent meditation. My grandmother even surprised the doctors! she survived 2 major surgeries, came off of the ventilator and even with end stage dementia, told the doctors her name when asked. The only thing she was unable to do was swallow and eat, and that’s when I knew the Lord was ready for her to come home.
I had several dreams prior to her hospitalization that she had passed on or around my birthday, in actuality she passed two days after my birthday. My mother and I were there with her when she took her last breath and her kidneys shut down. Seeing someone’s life slip away is surreal, and the stench of death is one that you never forget. She has since appeared in several other dreams to say I love you. One dream I had made me wake up in almost a cold sweat, my grandmother appeared in the middle of a dream, called me a childhood nickname, & hugged me…..I actually felt the hug (which still gives me chills)
As the holidays draw near I’m comforted by fond memories from my childhood, and the life lessons and experiences she shared with me, such as;
- Not being able to attend Howard University because she wasn’t light enough.
- The day the train conductor kicked her in the head while she was on a train in Hattiesburg, MS and she almost lost her life when she scolded him
- The 15 years she fought to receive my grandfather’s VA benefits
- The year she was crowned the first dark skin pinup girl in Washington, DC
- The day she beat her light-skin friend for a job (that advertised they were only hiring light skin african americans) because of her demeanor, outspokenness, and neat appearance.
Below are a few of my favorite Grandmother Tidbits:
- Big girls have to go the extra mile to make sure their hygiene is correct!
- If you aren’t careful you will dig your grave with your teeth
- The way to someone’s heart is through the mind, genitals, and stomach
- Never let anyone make you doubt yourself
- Stand up for what you believe in at all cost
- Be NEAT and well groomed at all times
- Keep your money to yourself (took me a while to learn this one)
- Take pride in your appearance
- Never be afraid to speak your mind
- Take everything to God in prayer Fear the Lord, and make him first in your life
- I will always love you
And too many other life lessons to mention Above all else she taught me how to love without fear, abandonment or regret, she is the reason that I’m the woman I am today, one that never quits, and fights against all odds, may she rest in peace.







